I don't usually rant about my personal life here much do I? So I'm going to do so today.
About 2 months ago I met a brother.
Very interesting, friendly, wacky and most importantly pious brother.
I'm 16 and life is an emotional and spiritual as well as psychological roller coaster; I tend to feel things even when I'm not supposed to.
So after about 4 weeks/ a month of knowing this brother; I realised that there is something about this brother that I like that I don't see in any other guy that I know.
I liked him in a special way; put it that way then.
He was different. HE showed me respect; He strengthened me as a Muslimah and he constantly reminds me of my responsibilities; He was a good brother and a good friend (always there to hear me rant)
He never fails to put a smile on my face whenever I talked to him on MSN.
btw, he's on the other side of the world; not literally but yeah (in another country)
So I told him about it. I told him how I felt about him; that's me I don't like to "hang in there"; I want to clear things up and move on with life.
To my surprise, my feelings weren't rejected. He felt the same about me; Just never thought I'd tell him first.
Things were going well because it was a mutual kinda thing.
We were together but not together; because both of us never believed in dating. We just thought that it'd be more than perfect if one day we'd marry each other.
After my stupid-not-very-lasting-relationship with my high school fling during my jahilliah days; this was the first brother I had a special feeling for; and trust me I was serious about it.
But then problems start tumbling down one after another and I started to lose concentration in almost everything I do. (Nothing to do with our relationship)
I sat down with my dad and told him about everything; including the brother I met and how I liked him.
So my dad calmed me down and told me the solutions to all my problems; he also advised me to be mere friends with my special brother as he felt that with all my problems our relationship might be affected.
He also asked me about him and how and what kind of a guy he is. I told my dad everything about this brother; from the things I loved about him to the things I didn't really agree with.
But he sticked to his principle and told me to make it clear to him ASAP.
So I did. I didn't want to because I feared that I'll lose him and that I'd never find a brother that'll be willing to marry me one day but I had to because I knew my dad knew best.
I told the brother and he agreed without any hesitation but promised me that we'll still be the bestest of friends.
I was sober yet relieved that he's still willing to be friends with me.
But did he really mean it when he said that?
It's been 2-3 weeks since I told him about the matter and we've said mere hi's and bye's ever since.
My texts aren't returned and our MSN chats have turned stale.
It's hurting because I can't stop thinking about it. I attend classes after classes; met up with sisters after sisters but still; I end up thinking about it.
DO they really mean it when they say "I'll always be here" ?
I don't think so.
-A'qilah Saiere-
