Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
