I know I'm. Drop of tears which are sticking on my eye lashes now and my sticky wet cheeks have showed that... I really miss her.Well, I thought I can overcome my emotion after several attempts of holding back my tears - sadly, it's not tonight.
.I guess some of you who have never heard of the Chinese's belief might be shock with my words "Grandma's spirit will return to her house". According to the Chinese, during the 16th day (I'm not sure about this honestly) of death, the spirit of the people will go back to their own houses.That's the time in which they will have their favorite food, visit their family and do things that they love to do before they really go.I know, it sounds like in the TV drama as it might sound ridiculous to some of you. To be frank, I'm not sure how true it is. Well, I don't mind. Since none of us know the exact 'event' happens after death- either you are living in another 'world' or you're really gone forever. So, I will go back to hear house tomorrow and do the ceremony.Right now, I've been thinking:What if there are really spirits in this world?What if my grandma really turn into a spirit?What if she really come back to her house?What if she has a message/messages to tell everyone of us here?What if there are no spirits?What if my grandma will not return as a spirit?What if my grandma is gone and no longer here?I'm not sure are there "heaven and hell" in this world where your enemy will be waiting you in hell; or your loved one will be watching you and guarding you in the haven. It's too subjective and it's depend on which one you want to believe. As for me, I believe there is "heaven and hell". Well, I've my own religion and belief right?Thinking about these questions have made me realized that, I still miss my granny and deep in my heart, I terribly wishing her to come back. I don't care how insane I may sound here. I guess, it's a normal feeling for someone who has just lost someone important, someone who they love a lot.Just flipped through my photo album and found out these 3 photos:
During 2004
Her birthday - 2004
I found this photo in her little drawer which was placed next to her bed. She kept this photo with her all the time. I remembered how my hands were shaking as I hold the photo close to my chest. I thought she doesn't love me as much as others. Since then, I know how wrong I was. silly me!I don't know why my tears just can't stop right now. It has been nearly half and hour. I guess, it's because of the memories and this song, "Bye Bye" from Mariah Carey.During the last day of my grandma's funeral ceremony, my cousin told me he had coincidentally heard a song from Mariah Carey- Bye Bye from the radio when we has in the car. He was surprised with the lyric and touched by the words.Lucky enough, one of my net friend sent the song to me few days later and since then, I've been listening to the song for thousands of time.I should claimed that, this is MY SONG!!!BYE BYE - Mariah CareyThis is for my peoplesWho just lost somebodyYour best friend, your babyYour man or your ladyPut your hand way up highWe will never say byeNo, no, noMamas, daddies, sisters, brothersFriends and cousinsThis is for my peoplesWho lost their grandmothersLift your head to the skyCause we will never say byeAs a child there were them timesI didn't get itBut you kept me in lineI didn't know whyYou didn't show up sometimesOn Sunday mornings and I missed youBut I'm glad we talked throughAll them grown folk thingsSeparation bringsYou never let me know itYou never let it showBecause you loved me and obviouslyThere's so much more left to sayIf you were with me todayFace to faceI never knew I could hurt like thisAnd everyday life goes on I wishI could talk to you for a whileMiss you but I try not to cryAs time goes byAnd it's true that you'veReached a better placeStill I'd give the world to see your faceAnd be right here next to youBut it's like you're gone too soonNow the hardest thing to do is sayBye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye byeYou never got a chance to seeHow good I've doneAnd you never got toSee me back at number oneI wish that you were hereTo celebrate togetherI wish that we couldSpend the holidays togetherI remember when you used toTuck me in at nightWith the teddy bear you gave meThat I held so tightI thought you were so strongYou'd make it through whateverIt's so hard to accept the factYou're gone foreverI never knew I could hurt like thisAnd everyday life goes on I wishI could talk to you for a whileMiss you but I try not to cryAs time goes byAnd it's true that you'veReached a better placeStill I'd give the world to see your faceAnd be right here next to youBut it's like you're gone too soonNow the hardest thing to do is sayBye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye byeThis is for my peoplesWho just lost somebodyYour best friend, your babyYour man or your ladyPut your hand way up highWe will never say byeMamas, daddies, sisters, brothersFriends and cousinsThis is for my peoplesWho lost their grandmothersLift your head to the skyCause we will never say bye, bye.I never knew I could hurt like thisAnd everyday life goes on I wishI could talk to you for a whileMiss you but I try not to cryAs time goes byAnd it's true that you'veReached a better placeStill I'd give the world to see your faceAnd be right here next to youBut it's like you're gone too soonNow the hardest thing to do is sayBye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye bye, bye bye, bye byeBye byeI guess, Mariah Carey write this song for herself too. Thanks for this lovely song, Mariah Carey. You've sang this beautifully.Grandma, I miss you.
