Is Stress Part Of Teaching?

Recently, I am pretty disturbed with my own mind.
The same list of self-talks conversed among my neuron cells happened ever since the second week of school.

 

Questions like:

“How could I make my lesson interesting?”
“How to make my students listen, participate and engage in my class?”
“How would I be able to push them in reaching the class goal?”
”How could I teach my students to practice good moral values in class?”
“What kind of long-term, monthly, weekly and daily plan that can help my students to succeed and achieve good result?”
“Would I be able to finish all the syllabus before each formative and final test at school when there are so many activities and school holiday take place?"
“Could I be able to walk the talk?”

 

Each time when I think of these, I found myself having headache, difficulty in breathing and heavy heart (just like a large stone pressing my heart). When I come to analyze such symptoms, I know instantly the name of this situation. It is called S.T.R.E.S.S.

 

Well, it is pretty much a personal stress which I am creating to myself and it is bad, real bad. It disturbs my daily functionality and emotion which causes physical and mental exhaustion. I tried as hard as possible not to affect my relationship with my closed ones. It is worse when seeing myself treating people around me badly when there is nothing wrong with them.

 

This Chinese New Year 1 week break should be a relaxing break for my body, mind and soul. However, it turned out to be the opposite. Ironically, my stress level rose up even higher now when I realized I have not done anything yet for my school tomorrow and the week. The journey spent on traveling and running family errands and attending family occasion took up most of my time.

 

A photo taken last year during sunset near my house. The effect is pretty good, don’t you think so?

 

I didn’t know what to do now and I have already shut down myself to not do anything. I need something therapeutic and relaxing at least for this moment. I realize I can’t work and inspire others when I am tired and exhausted. This is what has been emphasized in Teaching As Leadership Comprehensive Rubric – to work relentlessly. It is important to know how to take care of the self (as a teacher) to maximize teaching results in classes. I will put W-1, W-2 and W-3 closely in mind.

 

As for now, I will just shut down myself and sleep. Cheers for a better tomorrow. Good night.

 

P/s: Someone please tell me that feeling stress in the teaching profession is normal.

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Say Hello To Cikgu Telur

The time has arrived.
Ms Telur is going to teach in another few hours.

OMG!
I am so nervous yet excited… >.<!

I have done shopping for my new writing tools. Stuff like 6 different color of refillable marker pens, timer, manila card, stick-it-notes, stamps and etc.

Besides, I have planned my lesson planning for 3 different classes which I will attend later. However, there are still doubts of executing the plan because as I have been informed, there will be an orientation session for the new Form 1 students. Indirectly, it means no class will be conducted until it ends.

Well, for the safe side, I just prepare whatever I can, just in case the students come in and I have something to do with them.

Oh dear!
I should be sleeping by now but my heart is pumping really fast. My nervousness can be sensed by looking at how unorganized this post is blogged. Well, I can’t care much at this moment. I just want a corner to do self-therapy so that it allows me to sleep better after this.

Btw, I am a Form 1 teacher for 3 Mathematic classes and 5 Civic classes.
Let see what I will do for my 8 wonderful classes in the first week.

Before ending this post, I would like to share a few photos which were taken secretly by my instructor, Reid back in SMK Ampang Pecah. Thank you Reid for all these memorable photos. I can feel and listen to our passions in fighting for inequity in education - I Want, I Can, I Will.

 

 

 

One day, all children in Malaysia will have the opportunity to attain an excellent education. Yes, they will.. *hopeful*

P/s: Readers, please bless me with your encouragement and positive vibes. I need all of them. Thank you~

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Where Is Curryegg Lately?

I have always wanted to make a ‘grand opening’ for this new chapter of my life by finding the BEST inspiration, BEST time and BEST words to share this piece of amazing news. I took almost a month and it seems that BEST thing of never will happen when action is not taken. So, I screwed my perfectionism (again) and bringing out my adventurer side instead.

 

So, this is my news my dear readers. I know you have been waiting for my blog update for a very long time. I truly understand. But then, I don’t know how to deliver my excitement in words now. Probably, a long drum roll makes the trick?

 

*drum roll*
*drum roll*
*trumpet*

 

Ladies and gentlemen, Ms curryegg would like to announce that she is one of the 50 fellows for Teach For Malaysia and she is currently participating in the 2 months training at the Institut Aminuddin Baki, Genting Highlands. She has just completed her first week of training and feel really excited for the second one!

 

 

Yes. You read me correctly. I am joining Teach For Malaysia and I will be a secondary school teacher soon. I know what is playing in your mind now. You must be questioning, “What is Teach For Malaysia?”, “Why a teacher?”, “What does a fellow in Teach For Malaysia do?”, “Why not be a counselor?”

 

I will write more in the coming post on what is Teach For Malaysia and why I Teach For Malaysia as I need to sleep by now. There is an important meeting in the morning and I have to get a good rest.

 

You might be interested to find out more what is Teach For Malaysia before I share more on the reasons why I join this 2 years program.

 

See you :)

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Experiences Are The Best Teacher

My fingers were flipping through the pages of a book named, ‘A Blessing In Disguise’ (written by Andrea Joy Cohen) which I place it at my mini bookshelf, just beside my study table. It is an uncommon morning where I have the intention to do some reading on my long-time-no-read-book. Or in another word, abandoned resources.

 

What to do? I recently facebook more than readbook =.=!!

 

Ever since the end of my 4 years course, books are no longer my close friends. Instead, my digital camera (pink eggie) replaces the friendship. Well, it is not that I have changed. Reading is still my thing. It is because I am currently using another approach to connect and understand life when I have no commitment at the moment (no study, no job) – by experiencing real life by myself and at the same time capturing the best moment of every moment.

 

So happen, today is the day where I did some reading and there is a strong sense of connection when I came across with this quote:

 

 

When you use life’s experiences as your teacher and learn from them the true nature of the world and you part in it, those experiences become valuable guides to eternal fulfillment and happiness.

– Paramahansa Yogananda.

 

 

I strongly agree with Yogananda in which experiences are the best teacher – no doubt. I find that only through real life experiences can help us in believing what we read or what we hear from others’ sharing. You get to feel the immense emotion which lies in every event that is happening on us, be it happy, sad, angry, upset or simply stunned. When the emotion subsides, only we can see things more clearly. That’s when wisdom is created after having a clearer view on what had happened on us and how we perceive things.

 

 

It happens to me. Well, call me a human. We all do, aren’t we? There are ‘stars and roses’ as well as ‘scars and wounds’ lying underneath of us as we grow up when we faced life events. What have I gained?

 

• I’ve learned to appreciate both beautiful and ugly events.
• I have sharpen my skills of turning pain into strengths.
• I can do my baby dance in the middle of the storms (not yet break dance lah).
• I can shout, ‘Hell ya. This is ME, So what?’ when others are trying to intrude my life

 

If there are scars and wounds, it is our job to be truthful to ourselves, acknowledge the pain (or any emotions that submerge), and find healing alternatives. Denying and avoiding will only prolong the suffering. Thank to my 4 years Counseling course. It doesn’t turn me into an iron lady. Instead, it teaches me to be imperfect and accept own flaws and weaknesses – which is the catalyst of the healing process.

 

Well, it took me at least 5 months to understand and come up with this reflection. Back then, friends and family members were so worried about me. They had never seen a cheerful angel turned into someone closed to filthy mud. Telephone bills hiked up like mad for many months as I was unable to withstand the fact that I was being taken for granted, unappreciated and being played with feeling for many times, and talking to friends were my daily drugs besides diary writing.

 

 

Tears were the only therapy for me to go through each day with overloaded of stress during internship and academic writing. Can you imagine having to give counseling to others when you could barely handle yourself?

 

For many days and nights, I prayed and asked God for guidance with my roommate’s help. I even read bible with the hope of curing the emerging pain (btw, I’m a Buddhist). The pain and suffering is so intense that I barely handle myself. So, I search and try every alternative.

 

I begged Him to lead me to the road of happiness where I can find my cheerful smiles again. I was tired of driving in the round-about again, and again and I want to get out of there. Also, I pray that God will heal my broken heart, allowing me to give and take love again when I’m ready. I pray that I’ll be guided to my true love, someone who suit me best, deserves me and will treat me rightly and faithfully.

 

 

My prayers were being heard because each day, I am being shown with clearer evidence that I should leave the broken relationship untouched and move on. I’d damaged myself too long, lowering myself esteem and having no capacity for self love. Probably God knows my situation. Different angels are sent at different time and place, repairing my broken heart and wings, holding my hands and slowly helping me to fly again. It sounds magical but then, it is true. I feel it that way.

 

And. That’s where the process of turning from a filthy mud back into cheerful angel begins. It all started with the first few private counseling sessions which I attended. True enough, counseling sessions are enlightening and I continued my own self-discovering and self-healing after that.

 

There were nothing much can be done until I finished up my academic writing (thesis) in the beginning of May. Why? Because I can only hide in a room, read books and only books and typed on the computer. It is hard to not think about the issue when I was trapped in a quiet room with no company. Well, I am lucky that my parents are supportive enough to company me each and every day. They even helped me to filter out unwanted calls. Thank you mum and dad. I really love you both!

 

My stressed, ill look.. >.<

 

My journey of self discovery begins by first taking care and loving myself before going off for traveling. I pampered myself with more sleeps, good foods, more food and food! Besides, I groomed myself. Emm.. does my new hairstyle looks obvious? Lol..

  

#1. At Jane’s brother’s mini lounge. Trying to act cool with my new hairstyle. Don’t ask me why she placed the glass and drink on table. Probably it looks cooler >.<

 

I started to meet people again – old and new friends. I get my friend to dance, eat and do crazy stuff with me. I am close with my family again and able to be more open about myself and the issue. I begin my spiritual connection again with the nature and God. Also, I find back my passion in blogging and photography again. That’s how you are able to read my writing now. Be thankful! =D

 

#2. Shake and danced at Deebz’s house for the very first time. What song? It’s ‘Dance On The Floor’ by Jennifer Lopez, yo babe! =D

 

#3. My cousin, dad, mum and I for Wesak Day prayer at Penang.

#4. Family gathering

  #5. First dinner with a new friend. It is a new dish which is super nice – salmon avocado pizza. I wonder do they still have this?

#6. Attended communication and self help seminar. It’s called ‘Care, Act, Well’ – Turning Point. I made new friends. This is a place where I admit my pain and suffering by putting aside my ‘counselor cap’. It works well! =D

#7. Saratha and I. First time during eye-brow trading which introduced by Letchu. Well, not something I like but no harm for new experience.

  #8 River at Kuantan

#9. My new friends =))

#10. A very cool bridge at Sungai Lembing, Kuantan.

#11. Back to hometown meeting family, friends and food!

  #12. First time walking malls in KL by myself. It was a moment where I appreciate the most – just me, myself and I. At the same time get to understand photography from Jien Hau & friend.

#13. Meeting my long lost birdies. It is a memorable day where I get to connect with these angelic souls again. They are my main supporters throughout my down moment.

#14. First time, driving all the way by my self to South, including Malacca and Johor. Seriously, I’m proud of myself for trying. Spent a memorable moment with my oldest buddy, with Calvin being the tour guide. Thx ya =)

#15. 1st time presenting my academic research finding at an International Conference.

16. Did ‘grief & loss’ therapy during in a seminar conducted by Dr. Haniza Rais. It is good to connect with my inner-talk again. This time, it is about my late grandma. Miss her… <3

#17. Finally, mamak and I able to spend some quality time together – updating each others and doing fun stuff, like always.. ^^

#18. A melt-down day where no words are able to describe how I actually feel. He makes me believe that I am special, rare and priceless – and happiness is standing outside my door, waiting me to welcome it in. However, I still have doubt.

#19. Spending my quality time playing with my nephews who have been waiting me for so long. It is good to get in touch with nature and knowledge about music, parenting and education.

#20. A day where I’ve opened up myself and welcoming love again. Thank you dear for making me believe in happiness again =)

 

Well, I don’t know how far I’ve been through. But for sure, I have passed another test in life. I somehow feel like I’ve just completed a 1 year course. Or 100km of marathon (so far, I have only ran for 5km. not that much pun). Very tough leh.. >.<

 

One of the important lessons which I’ve gained is that, I have discovered more about myself. I have a clearer idea on who I am and what I want in life. I love and appreciate myself more. Before this, I tend to prioritize others’ happiness before myself – which is actually wrong because neglecting myself will leave me a hollow spirit. No one will give a damn on us. As a result, I was being taken for granted and mistreated.

 

Besides, I realize I am one lucky soul who is blessed with a bunch of beautiful angels. They are always right by my side through thick and thin, including my family and closed friends. I feel touched each time I received help or even a small wishes, prayer, hug or a simple hello as each of them mean so much to me. I guess, this is a valuable treasure that money can’t buy.

 

 

Last but not least, when I am so happy being myself, I found someone in the end of my self-discovery (in fact, self-discovery will never end). I would say, it is a blessing in disguise – unexplainable by words but felt by heart. He makes me realize the meaning of happiness again. His name is Calv and I shall introduce him in next coming post :)

 

Thus, experiences are the best teacher – if only if you know how to turn them into wisdom and appreciate what you’ve gained. Then, apply!

 

Note: Thank God for all the guidance and wonderful plans. I’m blessed. May I continue to be blessed and loved by you <3

 

P/s: This post is specially written for those who are facing challenging situation. I pray and hope that this post can at least give you a feeling of ‘You are not alone’. Have faith for life. Happiness will come knocking your door when you’re ready =)

 

P/s/s: This is also a closure for myself by appreciating whatever I have in the past, take the lessons and continue my eggie’s journey.

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Step-By-Step Photo Editing

Don’t you think the title of this post sounds like I am providing tutorial on how to edit photo? Well, I hope I can give tutorial .IF. I am an expert in this area (at least if I personally believe in my skills).

My editing skills isn’t that bad at all lar… right? You love all most of the photos I posted, right? Say yes. Please.. say yes.

#What did I edit?

Maybe you might be curious, what did I normally edit in photos before I posted them in blog? (some of my friends did ask me). Well, you are lucky for having this chance to read my’ secret’. Emm.. not secret at all lah because most people who know how to photoshop know this (even better than my baby-little-birdy skill)… =P

They include normal editing such as putting curryegg.blogspot.com link, placing alphabets, adjusting brightness, contrast, colour and cropping. Sometimes, I did lighten the colour of my obvious pimples, scar, eye bags and black head. Well, when you love a photo so, so much but because of the ‘highlight’, they ruin the overall photo and affect your emotion. Finally, you just have give up and proceed delete button. Sound familiar?

So, don’t you think photo editing software become the hero of life? Well, I don’t mean you have to fully rely on it. No. But you can use it wisely to fit your needs.

Don’t worry, I still have single lids (eyes), moderate head size, small bobs and thin lips even though I photoshopped photos. Well, one of the reasona is mainly because… I have limited photoshop skills (I’ve told you, remember). I still haven’t master the ultimate photoshop skills. Lol.. So, I don’t look much different compare to the real person – except, I wear specs in real life.

Next, I don’t want others to see me pretty in photos but ugly in real life. Or, detect vast differences between the photo me and the real me. Don’t you think it is sad to know that you only look nice in photos but sucks in reality? Ok.. maybe I should replace the word sucks with not-so-nice. Word courtesy..

Also, I am a type of person who is very lazy… I realize that photoshopping tests patience in which you need to sacrifice time and give full concentration in editing. Since I am a non-expert photoshopper, I took longer hour to edit a picture. Plus, I am using an old version of PS. I should upgrade it. Emm.. *adding into my to-do-list*

#Which is the step-by-step work?

Anyway, let see what I have done this whole night? See what is the step-by-step work which I meant? 

#1

#2

#3

#4

     #5

The bad thing about knowing how to edit photo is that, you can’t stop yourself from ‘improving’ the photo. You will be tempted to try putting more effects on the photo which is already good. You will try to click every button which appeared in the box to fulfill your curiosity. So, in the end of the day, you will be tired and exhausted and having no mood to blog (like me).



So, there are 2 solutions which I currently think of that can save me from being unproductiveness. First idea: Master fast and effective photoshop skills. Second idea: Don’t photoshop at all.


Photoshop or no photoshop, well, just ignore that for now. What I need you to do is to voice out your opinion by pointing out which photo you like/prefer the most among these 5. I was so excited and motivated to play with the software hours ago. Thus, came out with these 5 different type of creations.


So, don’t mind spending few seconds to let me know which number of photo look the best?

Next coming post: I think, you can guess it yourself? =)

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Be Nasty, Like Real Nasty

Just awhile ago, I met Irene, the oldest friend who I ever had in my life in a selected mall. Well, I would say.. ‘finally’ because it takes like ages to meet her after my Eggieque party. SHE. IS. A. BUSY. LADY. Without an early appointment (at least 1 month before the date), you will hardy be entertained. I am serious. I know she is going to kill me if she reads this. lol..


We had a real good conversation while having our dinner there. Maybe I shall blog about the best-friend-meeting in the following post because there is something I wanna share before I head off to bed since it is already 2.56am. I find this interesting, like seriously.


Irene said I am a bit ‘zen’, wait.. izzit ‘gen’? Well, not too sure about the exact vocabulary she used but I know she meant ‘boring’ or ‘old-fashion’. SHE SAID I AM BORING! Am I?

The conversation between 2 friends:

Irene: I think, your missing key might be something which you haven’t done in your whole life. There is some parts of you missing, like you have said.

Me: Oohh.. emm.. em… (immediately I know she read my previous post and tried hard to listen to her suggestion).

Irene: Maybe you should try to be nastier? Be a nasty girl once in awhile because in my opinion, you are too…. ‘zen’. It’s boring….

Me: Zen? Oohh… Zen.. There is Zen here (and I am thinking of Zen Cafe opened by Secret Recipe)

Irene: Haha… (not too sure if she got what I mean. Lol..)

 

Maybe she is right, my personality is kinda boring. Less dramatic characteristic. Obedient (sometimes). Soft spoken (maybe). Very rational (this is good right?). Less playful (am I?). And etc. etc. etc.. I guess I can see myself via the way I blog – like real lack of drama here because I am not using words like wtf, dammit, fuck, piss off, go to hell and %^$&*#?.


Frankly………..




Am I that boring? wtf.
Should I use more wtf-s? wtf.
Put in more nasty attitude? wtf.
Care less about people? wtf.
Use more harsh words in my blog? wtf.
Piss others off? wtf.



One of the reason why she suggested this because, this is an element which I have yet to try and should at least add a bit of this personality into mine. Also, she told me that maybe this is the thing in which I am missing and it might be the ‘key’ to unlock my mystery. wtf.  She is so fucking brilliant for suggesting this suggestion. Am I not right if I didn’t try at least once for the damn recommendation? wtf.





Now I clearly know why she gave me this present during in my 22nd birthday. I know why. Be nasty, yes? Super duper wtf.

"HEY YOU! Why are you smirking at me? STOP IT! WTH. You want me to smack you with a fucking spoilt egg? Get a life bitch. Wait, dude."

wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf.wtf. wtf.wtf.wtf. wtf.

So, am I nasty or what?

 

P/s: Now, where is the key? o_O

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Action Research

Seriously, it is funny that how hatred can turn into love. This drastic change has surprised me because I had never expected this will happen. Don’t ask me why. It just happened, as if there is a cupid shooting his invisible love arrow into my heart causing me to fall deeply in love with the person next to me.

 

In fact, it is not a person who I fall in love with but a course namely, Action Research.

 

 

For the past 12 weeks, I showed no interest at all in this subject. One of the reason is because this subject killed most of my brain cells whenever I heard of the words, “Qualitative” and “Quantitative”. Even though I had attended a Research course in my previous semester, I still have no confident in answering any of the terms. I believe I am not interested to be in the research field especially when one has to always deal with systematic procedure and boring statistic.

 

 

It bores me when I am not allow to use my own creativity in the field. Well, I am not a kind of person who love following the rules, especially those old, traditional ones. Wait a minute. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean not following rules equal to breaking rules. I am a discipline person OK. It is just that I prefer not to follow the norms IF I am allow to. As long as I am not breaking the law, I know what I will do. This is one of my unique characteristics.. :)

 

 

Being in the class for more than 12 weeks, the love feeling slowly develops. I realize I started to like Action Research bits by bits each day when I am filled with more knowledge and information. From a low self confident girl, I slowly become braver and stronger. I dare to speak up in the class, asking and answering those questions threw by the lecturer. Although most of the time I gave wrong answers (which sometimes being pointed out in a high key voice in front of the class), still I am glad that I had picked up this brave move. It makes me stronger by being less afraid with critics because in the end of the high-pitch class, I will be pampered with soft pats on the shoulders or a warm hug from my friends who are also my group member.

 

 

Well, I do understand why our lecturer got mad when we failed to answer her question or not being able to follow her instruction. I basically know why. She worries we might not be able to do the research properly when deadline is approaching and test is just a stone throw. She also afraid that all her hard work will be in vain when her students still unable to stand on their own feet by observing our performances in class. Her worries are just like a mother’s worries, never stop, never end. I guess they will only send when she sees us scoring A in this subject? Lol..

 

My highest level of love for this course took place on 26th October 2009 when my group, Fabulousta finally made our last presentation in the class. I had sleepless nights, days before the BIG DAY in which I tried to improve the slides, points and ways in presenting it. I was really committed in making this final presentation a success because I don’t want to see my group being criticized badly for not preparing well. And I don’t want us to be screamed for putting wrong information nor wrong method in the end of the presentation.

 

 

Those negative critics in our first presentation have really awaken me.  Stretches and wounds in heart have really taught me to stand up and fight. Emm… not that I will fight with my lecturer, but to fight with myself. I keep telling myself that this time, our group can do something remarkable, something extra-ordinary where we can create a big ‘WOW’ in our lecturer’s heart. Besides, I am pretty confident that our research topic is something worth to be shared, something which will teach us to appreciate ourselves even more. I may write about our research topic in another post.

 

Unwind myself with the Fabulousta members right after the presentation.

       

Indeed, our direction is right. We have performed pretty well and have surprisingly impressed her. There were no critics nor scolding this time, instead only praises and compliments in return. I was almost ‘shocked to death’ when she announced a free lunch for our group members at a royal club. Oh dear.. never had I thought of this part. I mean, I had never thought of our group will be selected as the best group among the 14th group nor a free meal with her because all I was hoping for is to make a good presentation, delivering whatever hard work we have made in the past 1 month. We have been working so hard for this assignment, ever since the beginning of the October and all we hope is to to the quantitative research correctly.

 

 

 

 

I am glad that our hard work is paid with this fabulous trip to a club sponsored by our lecturer. It was like a Mary-Go-Round dream because I had never been to any makan trip with my fabulous coursemates and the lecturer. Emm..  what about the Mary-Go-Round dream? Well… whatever.

 

 

Although it was a bit weird sitting and eating side by side in a Chinese Restaurant which located in the club with our lecturer, still it was a great day for all of us. We had a good, long chat with the lecturer and new friends from other course (TESL).

 

 

Before going back to our own ‘cabins’, forcing to switch on the exam mode again, we had a wonderful time cam-whoring with each other around the club. Well, it is something which I will normally do, isn’t it?

 

 

 

I just couldn’t stop myself from capturing as much pictures as possible during in this sweet moment because I know, in the end of the day, I will be stress again with this Action Research course. There are still 1 XXXL assignment and 1 final paper which I have to face and work on before the real victory celebration.

 

 

So, I guess you know what am I up to if you can’t see any update in this blog. Right?

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