First and foremost, I'm sorry I've not been contributing to this blog :S I've been to busy with my official blog; where I blog alone and I've been way to stressed about the release of my
O Level /GCSE results (whatever you call it)
I read Naz's previous post :) Inspiring ain't it?
I have a somewhat similar story. So I'm going to share it today.
I was born Muslim, proud to be one but never understood Islam. How Ironic indeed.
My father has always been and is very strict when it comes to religion. He makes sure that I complete my 5 prayers, I fast and I attend religious class and qur'an lessons.
While me on the other side were doing all of the above not for Allah swt but for him.
I never understood why we should pray because it was a norm. I never grasp the spirit of fasting because I never really understood the purpose of it. I hated going to mosques for lessons because I thought they were boring and as expected I never really bothered to read up the translated version of the qur'an to understand what I'm reading.
I thought what I did was merely enough to get me to heaven. Afterall I remember quoting my Asatizah " All Muslims will reach the gates of Jannah if they pray and fast".
Call me a rebel, I never really bothered to complete my 5 prayers a day. In a day, I'd probably pray Asr ,Maghrib and Isyk.
So to me then, by fasting and praying I was as good a Muslim as I could ever be. Never bothered to go beyond that; I was too obsessed with Dunya to fear what's in store for Akhirah.
Call it my parents' prayers to be answered or merely Allah's way of guiding me;
I finally felt that I needed to get back on track. I need to find my real identity. Who am I? Am I a Muslim or merely Muslim by name? What do I mean when I call myself a Muslim? Who are Muslims? What is Islam? Do I practice Islam because I brought up to?
These questions constantly played in my mind. I was tormented every other day to do something about my deen. So then the June 2008 came. It was the holidays and I was feeling a major need to distress. I wanted to take away myself from school or anything to do with this world.
I've mentioned before that I hate reading. So I prefer not to read up about Islam rather watch videos on it. I remember a day whereby I sat the whole day in front of my computer from morning stuck to youtube watching videos after videos on Islam, Muslims, Hijab and so on and so forth.
It was then and there that my hunger to get to know about my deen grew.
I wanted to have a purpose in this Life. I was Lost before I took Islam as an entirety. I was drowning in entertainment and blinded by the words on the kuffars.
Slowly day by day I saw myself starting to pray more regularly and getting a grip of my 5 prayers a day. I begun to fast to days that were sunnah and I truly do know by now what the true meaning of fasting is.
So the next question was the Hijab.
I loved the idea of modesty displayed but I must say that I wasn't very prepared. Though so, I urged my mum to get me a few pieces of Hijab. When she asked why I said
"Just In case I want to wear it one day"
So she bought me several a few days after. Though I already had a Hijab then all I did was stare at it every other day thinking about when I would finally have the guts to leave my house in it.
Alhamdulillah, I finally found the right one to fit my head and the right spot in my heart to wear it last Ramadhan :)
Till now, I dread when I have to take it off to school.
School had begun by then and I was loaded with assignments everyday and I always missed my Zuhr due to lessons. With the help of Allah swt and a few kind hearted sisters we manage to find a spot/a room in the school for us to perform our solats in case we have extra lessons that might be dragged and affect our prayers.
Days passed and my next interest came to mind, Muslims. I wanted to get to know as many brothers and sisters in the Muslim world. Alhamdulillah, with the magic of a few clicks I got to know a handful from the United Kingdom (one of them was Naz) and mash'Allah we get along pretty well :) The adventure just continues every other day as I continue to venture the blogs of sisters and their youtube channels even till today and let me tell you this lil adventure has never been a greater and more amazing adventure :)
Many of these sisters have actually brought about a change in me and taught me a million and one things.I can't be more thankful.
I then met sister Fatema Hamed who taught me about Palestine which I fell in love with the very next moment.
Ever since I fell in love with Palestine; I fell in love with my ummah.
Today I'm trying to finish the Qur'an and this time I have the translated version with me. Now, I'm reading it not because my dad wants me to ; rather it's because I want to.I picked up the hadeeth too and I started to the most taboo thing to me; READ.
I bought books on tawheed and read up articles my famous scholars on the Prophet saw.
My Parents saw the change in me. My dad was overjoyed. He couldn't have been happier; especially when I started wearing my Hijab.
I overheard him telling his sisters
"I didn't force her to wear it rather she wore on her own accord; I'm so proud of my lil girl. Allah did answer my prayers afterall."
:)
Other than reading and understanding the Qur'an, I'm learning to defend it with my words. I try to understand what the bible teaches so as to enable me to enhance my knowledge and use it when I'm involved in debates to prove that the Qur'an is the word of God and not the latter but I haven't mastered that yet. Insy'Allah I will.
To date, I am keen in defending my deen. I have made up my mind that I shall not stand idle to those who choose to misintepret and spread false rumours and accusations about my faith, my beloved prophet, my Lord and my people.
Let it be words that are my weapon for they are nothing but the truth and I believe that with the truth on your side, no evil shall be strong enough to destroy you.
And that was my journey to taking Islam as an entirety. I'm not perfect just yet nor will I ever be but I will strive to be the best Muslim I can for I always say
"I'm here because of Allah swt and it shall be for Him"
Remember my brothers and sisters "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future" :)
For ever hater of Islam remember "For every insult you throw, you secure a stone of faith in my hearts. For every hatred you have towards my people, you make me love them more by the day. For ever accusation you befall upon my prophet and my lord you only show who is the one on the path of truth.As much and as far as I respect what you believe in; YOU RESPECT MINE."
May Allah swt continue to shine His noor on our paths and may we be guided till the end of time. Ameen.
Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakkatu,
Sister A'qilah Saiere.